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Picking a wedding date - the dos, do nots, and why you should never set a date before booking your venue first.
Picking A Wedding Date
Picking the date for your wedding one of those things that couples rarely think of as a challenge until it’s on their doorstep. I ran a venue for years, so this is something I am intimately familiar with. For whatever reason, a ton of wedding planning resources put selecting the date as the first thing on a newly engaged couple’s to-do list, before selecting a venue or anything else. Based on my experience, this is just totally backwards, and the perfect way to both drive yourself crazy and be disasspointed. Let me walk you through it the ins and outs, dos and do nots, of selecting a date.
The picking-a-date-first approach makes sense if you are truly beholden to one specific date for some reason – say it’s your parent’s anniversary, a holiday like New Year’s Eve, or a special date like 10-10-2020. But if this is not the case, and you selected a date first, you may want to rethink your approach.
I ran a wedding venue in New York City for a number of years. So you understand what you're up against in terms of booking availability, I'll break it down for you: Our team would field roughly 400 inquiries each month by potential couples seeking the perfect venue for their event. If a couple had one specific date in mind for their wedding, and it wasn’t available, then they were out, which was unfortunate, as many times our venue was a really good fit for what they were otherwise looking for – look, vibe, price point, location, inclusions, capacity, etc. Many times, the same couples would come back to us weeks later, after looking at dozens of other venues, none of which offered both the date they wanted and the price point they needed. By this point, we'd have already sold out of most of our prime slots, and the couple would end up booking a far less desirable date than they could have booked if they were open to the available dates at the start of their search.
Sure, having a particular date in mind is great, but having a general sense of when you want your wedding and then being flexible on the rest, is a million times better for you and your sanity. It’s going to allow you to get more of what you want, nine out of ten times, especially if hosting a wedding during peak season. If you and your fiancé are set on one particular date and you refuse to be flexible on the date, you either need to be super early to the game, or be prepared to be super flexible on all the other things – especially popular vendors and especially during peak #weddingseason.
The Best Way To Pick a Wedding Date
So, what is the best way to approach selecting a date - without a selecting a date? If you can be broad – try to select the month and day of the week i.e: a Saturday night from September-mid October. If you need to be a bit more specific due to busy schedules, then aim for 3 or 4 preferred dates. After you’ve settled that, then move on to checking availability with your two most important vendors – we recommend your venue and caterer, or your photographer and venue. If one is a real stand out- then focus on snagging the date with them first and foremost, understanding you may need to be flexible on the rest.
If you can be broad – try to select the month and day of the week i.e: a Saturday night from September-mid October. If you need to be a bit more specific due to busy schedules, then aim for 3 or 4 preferred dates.
If getting a specific date is super important to you, there are a couple things that can work in your favor - such as desiring an off-peak date. If your special date falls on a Friday, instead of a Saturday, you may just be in luck. Similarly, if you are eager to get married on a date that falls over a holiday weekend, you may just find yourself hitting the wedding date lotto.
If you find yourself vying for a date at a venue that has a waitlist, don't loose hope. Stay in close contact with the venue while still respecting their time and space; communicate clearly - perhaps even sharing why the date is so special to you (we always loved hearing from couples who had a sentimental reason for wanting a particular date.); be kind and courteous - venues are not going to bend over backwards for you if you prove difficult to work with before even out of the gate; see if you can give them a reason to book you, ie: can you guarantee a higher food and beverage spend then they typically require? They may be open to discussing certain ways to make it a win-win.
Wedding planning is all about prioritization. Which is why we absolutely preach setting those priorities right from the start and understanding each other’s priorities before you ever even visit a venue or go to book a vendor. How important is getting married on a specific date to you and your person? Is it the number one? If not, don’t let it dictate your other choices.
Wedding planning isn’t easy, but it doesn’t have to be so hard! Want to join our fun community of Brides & Grooms planning their big day and also get access to our free Bride Guides? We'd love to have you and it's totally free! Join us at The I Do Club!
Happy planning!
Jillian
I'm big on being transparent: Some of the links on this site are affiliate links. If you click on them and make a purchase, I might earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Rest assured, all opinions and recommendations whether affiliate links or not are based on my genuine belief in their value.